| insanity |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|12:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
you bring out htings in me that i thought had died off. but you have changed the way i look at you. i thought you were someone who would never hurt me, but i was wrong. all you do is hurt me. how am i supposed to look at you and not be angry. how can you expect me not to tear my hair out. my jealousy consumes me and you make it worse by continuing, im tired of trying. i dont have energy to fight this anymore. gray would be color if i had a heart. so you tellme what im supposed to do. just accet it and pretend it doesnt exist. i can say i wish i had never met you. my life has been hell for the last few months, i dont want this anymore.im not worth this for you, and you arent worth it for me. you need to decide. you either keep me. or you chose the fucking whore who will never be anything to you. god i hate you/ |
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| reggie |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|02:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | enraged | ] |
I FUCKING HATE YOU. |
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|
| grim realizations... |
[Mar. 29th, 2007|06:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
its not alright, and its never going to be. i have finally given up, ill be moving on soon. i have had my worst fear realized, that the man i love will never love me and only me. we will never be together again. i guess that was my mistake. owell. ive lost so much this time around that im ready to not care at all. i feel like nothing matters now at all, i thought i still had a chance to make things right but i see now that i dont. so now i have no house no car, i lost my best friend andnow ive lost the love of my life. so you tell me whats left for me. cause the way i see it, there is nothing. im never going to be able to just be his friend. so i guess that hte end. kinda sucks. |
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| doom... |
[Mar. 27th, 2007|12:06 pm] |
so here i sit drowning in uncertainty again, and all because i made a bad choice. and now there is nothing i can do to change it. how could i have been that stupid, but i just couldnt make the right decision as usual, and i knew it the day i made it. all it has gotten me is pain and heartache, and royally screwed me to boot. i should have stayed, i should have made him go alone, i should have realized that we had gone as far as we could together. i tried to chose the safest path for once and it was the very wrong choice. so im left with nothing. everyone else is sitting pretty, and as usual im the one who got fucked, mostly of my own making because i was to scared of making the wrong choice that i made it anyways. and it cost me something i would rather die than chance living without for the rest of my life. whats worse is there is no fixing it. i cant take it back, i can say im sorry but i dont think it helps. and i cant stop the tears and regret everytime i think about what i did. im almost to a point i dont want to try anymore. im tired of fighting, and of staying strong. im tired of bending. i seem to have only bent for the wrong purpose. i threw away happiness with both hands on things that never came through. and nothing can correct it. so whos to say that what ever decision i make wont be the wrong one again. so i guess i should try and stand still, but i dont have the ability now. any advice??? |
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| what happened to being a responsible pet owner? |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|01:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fraggle rock | ] |
so, her post made all of us laugh! i guess is you dont leave a dog chained to a tree for its entire life, or let all you cats be so infested with fleas that they are all anemic and fleas have overrun your house, you are being to nice to your animals. for the record, my dog tore the tendon in his back leg and is now in a semi-cast. but all of this means nothing, because as usual, she cant say things to your face. she has to rant and rave in a lj post like she is a god higher than others. but still, the world is always out to get her. no one ever loves her, poor poor pitiful her. let me grab my violin! goodnight kids! |
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| it doesnt seem to end |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|10:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  my heart hasnt turned away yet | ] |
| [ | music |
| | james blunt-----youre beautiful | ] |
even in the face of a potential new love, old ones dont go away do they? how long does it all last, cause im ready for it ot be over. i dont want to love him, i dont want to care that much. i thought it would get easier over time. |
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|
| hmmmmm. thats kinda cool |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|04:25 pm] |
Definitely.
You scored 41% Cold and 53% Level-Headed! | You can kill. But the question "Why would you?" arises.
Out of safety or cruelty? |  |
My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 39% on Cold | | You scored higher than 34% on Level-Headed |
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| nothing is going to make it batter |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|05:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | like we never loved at all | ] |
rosebud bath...
i bought roses for your soul,
like midnight inhue
i picked them from stem
like thorn on naked skin
as fingers bled
your current flowed
through my spine as i caught a light sneeze
little earthquakes that shook me as i fell from grace
oh, that secret as your ghost
of electric sparks pushed me to you
lips of mauve on lavender
a rose for a kiss
like black in hue
to protect our love
a symbol, a mood
a rosebud bath waiting for you
as i covered you in petals like fire on kief
your heart raced with lust from lucifers voice
a spell of intoxication from a rosebud bath
onyx in hue. |
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| when does it go away, cause i cant take it |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|06:43 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | pain | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | or suisidal, take your pick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | broken | ] |
if i could understand myself i think i would be happier. its hard to love someone so much and hate them at the same time. but i do. and its not that i hate this person i hate what it does to me. its like a knife that you cant get out, and it is just a constant hurt. sometimes its not bad, then others you think it will kill you, and i swear, i think this time it might. i dont think this is like the other times. and i know you all have said " you have to say something about it" but i have. not the answer i wanted, the total opposite. it feels like a big part of my heart is always just out of reach. and there isnt any reason for me to want. there are times i dont think i do, till someone else is gonna take it, and i realize it kills me. now if someone thinks they have the answer id love to hear it. hes my other half, i know it. this isnt a crush, or puppy love, or any of the other stupid shit. its been a year and a half now of the ame feeling that only gets stronger. and ive had him, so its not a physical attraction. dont get me wrong there is a big one. but this is deeper than any emotion i have ever had. what do i do layla? by the time i change myself to be what he wants physically, someone will already have him. any advice??? |
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|
| haha |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|05:09 pm] |
Your Personality Profile
|
You are dignified, spiritual, and wise.
Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself.
You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books.
You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.
You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world.
A good friend, you always give of yourself first.
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aint that some shit |
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tattoedqueen's journal
